Support for Parents and Caregivers

A few years ago I saw a meme that said:

“My kids wanted to know what it was like to be a mom, so I woke them up at 2 am to let them know my sock had come off”.

This captures so perfectly an aspect of my experience as a mom. I can remember how, as a new mom, my body ached, I needed a shower, and I hadn't had a good night sleep in weeks. I craved time for myself, but caring for this tiny baby was proving to be all-consuming.

Anyone who is a caregiver, whether professionally, for their own children, or even for their aging parents, has likely experienced this at one time or another. My needs were certainly not as pressing as my child’s, I thought. I could put off my own self-care — in fact I should put it off — in favor of that of my child’s. But the more I neglected myself, the less effective I was as a caregiver. I wanted to be present and open-hearted with this precious, beautiful being, but instead I was suffering.

One often overlooked practice to prevent caregiver burnout is self-compassion.

I first learned the term self-compassion in reading the work of Dr. Kristin Neff , an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. Self-compassion is treating ourself with kindness and understanding — just as we would a friend who was having a hard time.

Often, we don't grant ourselves the same tenderness as we would a loved one who was struggling. Our inner voice can be very harsh. It may even say that we caused our own misery by being uniquely and colossally flawed — and therefore do not deserve any kindness!

With self-compassion, we acknowledge that suffering, failure and imperfection are all part of the shared human experience. These are natural and inevitable conditions that exist, regardless of how hard we work or how well we perform.

For me, embracing this truth has allowed me to experience challenging circumstances, however hard they might be, with kindness and understanding. I can acknowledge how hard it is to feel my body ache and not have the same freedom to rest, as I did before becoming a parent. I can also communicate to my kids when I need time to recharge. They even seem to appreciate when I acknowledge that I'm human with vulnerabilities — just like them! This shift in perspective has alleviated a great deal of suffering. I am more adaptable, happier, and able to embrace my caregiving role more wholeheartedly.