Making Behavior Changes that are Sustainable

One important truth I've learned to embrace in my marriage is that neither my husband nor I enjoy being told what to do.

As it turns out, research suggests that a person's feelings of autonomy — the drive to march to one’s own drummer — strongly impacts their sense of well-being. People need to feel that their choices are consistent with who they are, and that they are in the driver's seat. It is integral to our sense of self.

This may help explain why I feel defensive when my husband tells me to go to bed. I know deep down he’s just lovingly reminding me that I feel better when I get a good night's sleep. But sometimes it feels like my freedom to choose is being threatened — even when I’m legitimately tired! Thankfully, having this knowledge helps me orient myself to my own internal desire — which is indeed to be well-rested. I can then reconnect with my own sense of autonomy and recognize he is just trying to be helpful.

For decades, people have been researching what motivates humans to make behavior changes.

Self-Determination Theory teaches us that motivation can be achieved by external or internal factors, but internal motivation appears to be more effective long-term and is associated with increased health benefits.

The key to making long-lasting lifestyle change lies in finding choices that are intrinsically rewarding.

Consider, for example, someone who is trying to lose weight. Maybe they experience societal pressures to be thin and are avoiding feelings of shame. Perhaps they believe their partner will find them more attractive if they are thinner. Or maybe they feel motivated by the positive feelings and increased self-esteem they will feel if they lose weight.

Such incentives can feel exciting initially, but as the weight loss stabilizes these feelings often fade. Research suggests that this type of external motivation is typically less sustainable and people tend to revert back to their old habits. After all, humans want to feel autonomous — that we are driving our own choices. If our motivation is external, we may eventually find that it's too much effort for something we don't even care that much about!

By contrast, when a behavior is intrinsically motivated, a person derives pleasure from the behavior. At times it may be inconvenient, but knowing they are aligned with their own personal vision feels rewarding. They might say:

• My health is important to me.

• I eat nutritious foods because it is in line with my health goal.

• I enjoy discovering and creating healthy meals

• I enjoy having meal time that is nourishing for the whole family

• I find eating healthy helps me follow through with my other goals and values

• It’s fun to track and be mindful about what I eat

• It feels good to move and be active

Research into human motivation suggests that a person who feels highly internally driven is more likely to have:

• Greater persistence

• More flexibility and creativity

• Better practical performance

• More interest and enjoyment

• Better mental health and well-being

• Better physical health

• Higher quality of close personal relationships

Often, external factors can undermine intrinsic motivation. We become more focused on what we “should” be doing and less attuned to our inner voice. Fortunately, shifting our focus internally can help orient us to what is truly important to us. What intrinsically motivates you?